Light in the Living Room

light in the living room published in Process Productions January 2023 zine

a lifejacket keeps me

from parting from the waterline

to that midnight blue abyss

emptiness seduces me

detachment mimics bliss

I’m floating, writing, working, wearily

synonyms, syllables, somber stringency

use poetry even on days that I can float 

poetry, my humble raft, metaphoric boat

on days you lose control, days you feel you’re drowning 

these lines, this raft, might keep you from the deep end

there are so many words I cannot speak into existence 

I get immersed feeling other souls’ pain in our coexistence

build a home and live in their every emotion

sensitivity is a captivating curse, cutthroat creator

through time spent alone

meditating, elevating, writing

I’ll sew lifejackets to keep you afloat

though your heart may be torn 

though your mind may have gaps in it 

though a shower seems impossible 

though food to eat seems intangible 

though the world feels like a weighted cape you wear on your back 

though sleep is the only task performed without a panic attack

this lifejacket will be here 

we will not let you drown nor disappear

it took me three years to patch up my tattered lifejacket

three years of scribbling soliloquys in half trances of sleep

a reminder of the pain I keep

grief, the company that leaks

spilling out in these words to be heard by all

I promise you time will change all

take solace that though my edges are bleeding off the page

I’ll build a raft for you with these words, keep you in my embrace

I will not lose another loved one to mental health, suicide, or overdose

so when the night is howling, haunting, a horrid place

reach for these calloused hands and I’ll hold you close

I keep a candle lit for the loved I’ve lost

and a light on in the living room

for the living that I refuse to lose